I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Randomize
