I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
