you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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