I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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