im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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