I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
what day is it and did you see me today?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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