I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
