mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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