I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
