And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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