dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
PANTIES FOUND
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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