is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
