Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
