i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i was born a porn star she said
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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