thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I want to be your penis for a week.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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