just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
