Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Randomize
