We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
