doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
You're a waste of cheezeits
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
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