Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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