Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
