Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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