I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
