This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
