part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
