When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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