Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
