im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
