How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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