I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
