I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
