He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
