brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
