I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
