I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I want her autograph on my taint
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
