you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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