Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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