i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
