She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
