I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
