if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
