I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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