I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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