well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Randomize
