I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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