bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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