I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
