I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
