Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
