She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
