he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
My balls are so social today.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
