The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
