i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
